Things I Tried

These are the things I try: Things I tried before Sertraline:

Square my shoulders. Lift them up, them press them back, arch my back.

Deep breath. Try blowing out longer than the inhale.

Pull up the corners of my mouth. Enjoy the accompanying wry feeling.

Think about going to a yoga class.

Swallow the gray tablets of St. John's Wort, the multivitamin for over 50s, the soft progesterone capsule
at night.

Put in earbuds, put on gym shoes, go out to the sidewalk to do my steps. Push the pace, increase the
heartrate. Keep increasing, but shoot for Roger Ebert's 10K a day.

Keep putting new things on the calendar. 

Dress up for work. Earrings. Eyeliner and red, red lipstick.

Caffeine. Sweet, sweet, caffeine. Ah, hot English Breakfast with whole milk. Dunkin Donuts small coffee
with god knows what is in their "cream and sugar." Cold and bitter iced tea with a fat slice of lemon. Icy
diet Pepsi with something fried and salty.

Pillow between my knees, pillow under one ear, pillow pressing down on top of the other. 

Nap. Think that a nap is good, healthy thing.

Acknowledge the thought and the feeling. Allow yourself to be negative and then take a breath, clear the
mind and move on.

Recognize I am menopausal. Miss and honor the euphoric epiphanies that came every month; think that
this is change and change can be good too.

Realize that this is facing the monster. This is a kind of strength.