Goose and the Country

I have a new post about Miranda Hobbes up on the Chicago Moms Blog. Who's Miranda Hobbes? Don't ask this curmudgeon.

I missed opening night because I was up to my elbows in rainbow sherbert (that's the way I grew up saying it, although the reason for the "r" is mysterious), scooping for Mia's last day of school ice cream social. Social it was, with Mia and her gal pals bouncing around the gym, a new flavor in hand each time I turned around. "Number five!" called out Mia, brandishing a chocolate cone and grinning through the mess on her face. Nora was content to play with a gym mat, alternating kamikaze dives and rolling on it like a puppy.

I had a scoop of chocolate, since it was Homer's, who makes it dark and rich as loam. It was dinnertime and we still had to get home and pack for a weekend at Fox Lake. The chocolate revived me as only the good stuff can and we hit the road around six (after some more solid sustenance at home.)

Today the girls woke much too early, as they always do here on the edge of the water. I was hurting until lunch at Baja Benny's, with my new summer drink invention, a Shandy made with Weiss beer and lemonade, and some ancient hits on the ridiculously overpriced jukebox. "You cut me open and I keep bleeding love..." still sounds good, although I've heard it four times in the last 12 hours, and "Soulja Boy" and "Umbrella" made me feel like the shit, circa 2007.

We hiked the Volo Bog and the girls saw carnivorous pitcher plants and a fearsome goose daddy who opened his black beak and hissed with his snaky tongue when we moved too closed to his goslings. I burst into horrified laughter - it was like a morphing creature in a monster movie, but Mia was seriously scared. She was silent for a moment, then dissolved into loud tears. We hugged her and I picked her up, trying to allay her fears with "Just like Daddy and I want to protect you...." Nora provided a distraction when she lay down in the warm grass and we all joined her and for a minute turned our faces to the sun.

Laughter + Romance + Writing = 20 Happy Years

My friends Julia and Jeff are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary today. Julia says they will commemorate the day by going to work. Mazel Tov, you two!

Here is the amazing story of how they met.

David Cook Wins American Idol

Yeah, David Cook! The seventh American Idol winter is from Blue Springs, Missouri, a suburb of my Kansas City, so I've been cheering the hometown boy since the tryouts.

Cook's choice for his last song on the night of the finals was really interesting. Instead of reprising one of his best moments from the season as ALL the other idol finalists have done (think Fantasia and her spectacular "Summertime,") he chose to play something new - but old - Collective Soul's "The World I Know" from way back in 1995. Not only was this a variation from the Idol script, he did not sing the song like the typical arrangement for a finalist's last moment in competition. There were no dramatic key changes, so glory notes held for five minutes. He only sang the chorus once and instead of building it, trailed the last phrases off without a dramatic resolution. Simon said it was a beautiful song, but understandably, also expressed disappointment and even doubt that Cook could win.

Poor sweet David Archuleta. After he sang, "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," I thought he would break into nervous sobs, vomit or spontaneously combust. Jordin Sparks won at just-turned 18, but she has always had poise to burn - perhaps because her dad was a pro ball player and she was used to the spotlight. David A. has always seemed on the child side of seventeen.

I found this footage of Cook in a high school play on Youtube - if that intro isn't warning enough, I must emphasize viewing is recommended for SERIOUS FANS only - the footage is blurry and contrasty and shot so far from the stage and on such crappy equipment, it looks like an impressionist painting. But you can hear Cook's unmistakable voice and if you have the patience, you'll see him dancing in a not terrible imitation of Donald O'Connor's "Make 'Em Laugh" number from Singing in the Rain, complete with pratfalls, cartwheels and singing handstands.

I haven't been this hyped since I saw pictures of Dave Grohl in his high school marching band (before he dropped out to become The Coolest Rock Star In The Known World.) A glimpse of these guys when they were real kids (boatloads of charisma notwithstanding) is reassuring after you realize Chris Brown, seemingly sprung from his father's head fully formed and clothed in armor, is only a teenager.

A funny watercooler conversation.

Conversation with Mia

"Why do we die?" asks Mia.

"Because our bodies wear out. But don't worry. That's not going to happen for a long long time."

"How long?"

"You could be eighty. Or a hundred."

"How many is that?"

"Well, you're five. It's like as long as this life you've had, you could have twenty like it!"

"Like if I'm that big," she squeezes her thumb and forefinger together, "it would be this long?" And stretches her arms as far apart as they can go. "Or like this?" And bends her arms back behind her until they touch.

I laugh. "Yeah, that long!"

Help Chinese Orphanages

Here is a map of orphanages and social welfare institutions in China affected by the recent quake.

Below is a message from Half the Sky, an organization to help Chinese orphans. Half the Sky has a four star rating from Charity Navigator.

----- Original Message ----- From: "Jenny Bowen"
To:
Sent: Friday, May 23, 2008 10:12 AM
Subject: Half the Sky Earthquake Update - May 23

Dear Friends,

Today we were starting the process of wrapping up the major portion of our orphanage relief efforts. With your help, we have purchased and delivered or are in the process of delivering huge amounts of medicines and medical supplies, tents, cribs, cots, bedding, baby formula, diapers, kids clothing and shoes, rice, noodles, cooking oil, water, powdered milk, bowls, cups, towels, mosquito repellent and much, much more. As we inalized plans to ship, then bring in engineers to erect two giant tents to house hundreds of newly orphaned children, we got an emergency call from Aba Civil Affairs Bureau.

They are caring for approximately 1,000 orphaned and displaced children, most of whom are 7-12 years old. There are over 100 infants. They'd been placing the children in local shelters but had just received news that 70 more children are on the way. There are no more tents and no more beds for them. Further, they urgently need powdered milk and diapers. And they need foods that don't require cooking as most of their cooking stoves and supplies have been destroyed. They need so much they can't even give us an estimate.

The roads to Aba are dangerous but the need is tremendous. We have obtained the necessary road pass and organized a convoy of three trucks. Our senior preschool field supervisor, Yang Lei, will be leading the effort along with Aba drivers who are familiar with the dangers. It's a 3 day round-trip and they leave at dawn. I am so thankful our Half the Sky staff are as tough as they are!

Stop presses! -- Just as I finished writing the above, I received the following email. The situation continues to be ever-changing:

"While everyone has done an absolutely incredible job pulling this urgent shipment together, it simply cannot leave tomorrow morning as we've all been pushing for. The road between Chengdu and Aba is simply too dangerous to travel, based on all the information we are able to gather. While it hasn't registered on the news, nearly 200 people have died in the last few days along these roads due to mudslides caused by the early summer rains. Communications are, of course, sketchy, and we know Yang Lei has her permit to travel the roads, but all reports are now that it's just too dangerous and too unsure to risk take such a risk. The Director of the Aba Institution agrees and the Director of the Chengdu Institution agrees.

"The efforts you've all put in today on behalf of the babies at Aba will not be in vain. We will monitor the road situation very, very closely. Civil Affairs wants us to get in, we want to go in, and the moment we feel it is safe, we will go in. The good news is we've managed to amass everything on Aba's "needs list" in one day and it's staged at Chengdu Su and ready to load on trucks. The items that were scheduled to load on the Aba trucks will stay at Chengdu, ready to travel to Aba when conditions allow. THESE ITEMS ARE NOT TO BE USED FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE IN THE COMING DAYS, THEY ARE TO BE KEPT TOGETHER, AND SEPARATE FROM ALL OTHER INVENTORY, AND WILL TRAVEL TO ABA AS SOON AS CONDITIONS ALLOW. This is a very difficult decision for us to make, but we simply can't risk life to save life."

You can see that the relief effort is not quite over. I will keep you all posted.

Meanwhile, we have spent almost exactly the amount we have raised in donations (just over US$300,000. And we have not yet really begun the second critical phase of our operation in Sichuan: training caregivers and volunteers to care for and address the non-material needs of displaced and newly-orphaned children. There are billions being donated for rebuilding. But we need help putting young lives back together.

Here's a note from Ma Lang, who was at a "model" relief shelter today talking to newly-orphaned children: I talked to a junior high school girl. Here is part of our conversation:

Lang: Do you know there are psychologists and counselors there to help people?
Girl: Yes.
Lang: Would you be willing to talk to a psychologist?
Girl: Yes.
Lang: What would you like to talk about with the psychologist?
Girl: Things that make me happy. Like happy stories and movies.
Lang: What do not you want the psychologist to ask?
Girl: [pause] Do not ask me where my families are!

P.S. There is little coordination among the 10 plus counselor groups at the shelter. One main method they chose their "clients" was to look for sad faces. If a child or adult looked sad, the likelihood was that she would be "counseled" by more than one group of counselors. One concern that I had was that the children (and adults) might be traumatized again by the "counseling" process.

And then..

"I met Lei in the "inner circle" at Jiuzhou Stadium. He was a cute and curious second grader who'd lost his parents in the quake. He approached me and asked me what I was doing when I was organizing the pictures I took. We looked at the pictures together, and chatted a little bit. He told me that after the earthquake, there come aftershocks, and then comes the epidemic. He said epidemic means you die if you do not wash hands before and after meal. When I asked him what earthquake is, he said if you talk loud, earthquake happens. I lowered my voice and asked him if our voices were loud. He said, I do not know."

Half the Sky is finalizing plans to work in consultation with an important international resource for children traumatized by crisis. I want to thank all of you who have worked to help us locate Mandarin-speaking child trauma specialists. I think we are assembling an outstanding team. I will share more details in the next few days. What I hope I can communicate to you all is that our work is really just beginning. We need more help!

If you would like to donate to Half the Sky's Children's Earthquake Fund you can do so through Global Giving:
http://www.globalgiving.com/pr/2100/proj2086a.html

Or directly to Half the Sky. You can donate by calling Half the Sky
(+1-510-525-3377) or on our website.

Many companies have announced they will match employee gifts for earthquake relief. Please check to see if your company will double your gift!

If you would like a Canadian tax receipt, please donate at
http://www.canadahelps.org/CharityProfilePage.aspx?CharityID=s86248

Thank you for all you've already done for these children - and for what you will do.

with love,
Jenny

Jenny Bowen
Executive Director
Half the Sky Foundation
www.halfthesky.org

Half the Sky was created in order to enrich the lives and enhance the prospects for orphaned children in China. We establish and operate infant nurture and preschool programs, provide personalized learning for older children and establish loving permanent family care and guidance for children with disabilities. It is our goal to ensure that every orphaned child has a caring adult in her life and a chance at a bright future.

Want to receive our free Half the Sky newsletter, full of stories and photos, via regular mail? Just go to our website www.halfthesky.org and click on "Join our Mailing List."

Kiss the Frog

This post is a continuation of my "Sex Ed, Then and Now" piece on Chicago Moms Blog.

I know I'm only a part of my girls' sexual education. They are already soaking up information about gender roles, about borders and limits, about the difference between grown-up and child behavior from the world outside our home. Even their bedtime stories are loaded.

Children internalize the underlying ideas of fairy tales and the themes resonate into their adulthood. In stories, the frightening realities of violence, of uncurbed emotions like vengeance and fury, of orphaned and abandoned children, and even of sexuality are contained into a manageable package, complete with vanquished monsters and happy endings.

"The Frog Prince" is about as close as any fairy tale gets to introducing children to the themes of sexual initiation.

The ancient story has versions in the folk tales of Korea, Sri Lanka, China, Scotland and England; I reread the German Brothers Grimm version recently. It's surprising to see it through the eyes of a parent - the sexual themes pop out like I'm wearing 3-D glasses in a Dirk Digler movie.

The princess drops her beloved toy, a golden ball, in a well and a frog offers to help her if she will be his loving companion. She agrees, but runs back home after he returns from the deep with her ball in his mouth. When the frog follows her and knocks on the door of the palace, her father the king demands that the princess keep her promises. She reluctantly allows the frog to eat from her plate and sleep on her pillow. In typical Grimm fashion, the story climaxes with an act of violence when the disgusted princess throws the frog against a wall. This breaks the spell and the frog transforms into the prince, future husband to the happy princess.

What jumps out for me in my re-reading was how young the princess is - still a girl who loves her toy, still a child who runs away from responsibility and promises. As an adult reader, it's easy to see her reactions of repulsion to the animal representing the fear and anxiety the uninitiated may feel as they become aware of the sex act and its unfamiliar strangeness. The story follows her maturing from a child who acquiesces to her father, into a young woman who has grown beyond her fear and is ready to marry.

But just like the revision of princess stories for the grrl power generation, the Frog Prince has been adopted and tamed by pop culture. The story becomes a punch line equivalent of He's Just Not That Into You: "You've got to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince."

Peter Gabriel's musical appropriation of the tale, "Kiss That Frog," is often interpreted as a crude seduction joke. "Jump in the water, c'mon baby, get wet with me," say the lyrics. I heard an interview with Gabriel where he defended the song, citing the inspiration of Bruno Bettelheim's 1975 book, The Uses of Enchantment.

Bettelheim writes: "The story tells us that we cannot expect our first erotic contacts to be pleasant, for they are much too difficult and fraught with anxiety. But if we continue, despite temporary repugnance, to permit the other to become ever more intimate, than at some moment we will experience a happy shock of recognition when complete closeness reveals sexuality's true beauty."

To me it seems the song has such a happy vibe, that it becomes not a kind of coercion, but an invitation for the girl to feel unafraid of her own desire, as strange and unknown and new as it may seem. Not a song positioning girls as potential victims and boys as future predators, but a song about mutual joy.