Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mrs. Seraponas Dreamed in Chicago

Natasha Solomons's lovely first novel, Mr. Rosenblum Dreams in English, is the latest book read by the From Left to Write Book Club. The title character Jack Rosenblum is a mensch, an irrepressibly optimistic Jewish refugee from Nazi Germany, who escapes with his wife and daughter to England in 1937. In love with his adopted homeland, Mr. R. desires nothing more than to naturalize completely and become a proper English gentleman. He becomes convinced to best way to do this is to create his own perfect golf course, never mind his near complete ignorance of the game nor his inexperience with landscaping manual labor. The first day he begins work to fashion his course from sixty acres of rocky hillside, Mr. R. wipes his hands delicately after each shovel of dirt. Such is the gentle humor of this sweet book, that by its stirring ending, had me cheering on the would-be duffer.

Author Natasha Solomons cites her grandparents' rural Dorset cottage as an inspiration for the book. The writer still lives near the former home of her grandfather and grandmother in rural southwest England, and fills the book with the charms of the county's folklore, with odd characters written in rich dialect who call our hero "Mr. Rose-in-Bloom" and with glorious depictions of the Dorset countryside.

By happy accident, I finished Mr. Rosenblum Dreams in English this week, around the same time I completed reading my maternal grandmother's diary of the year 1933-1934.

My strongest memories of my mother's mother, Amelia Seraponas, are of her regal bearing and the beautiful white hair that she wore in a soft bun at the nape of her neck. Reading her diary for the first time, I have the chance to see her as a young woman, a twenty-eight year old with a new baby and a sick mother to care for, newly married to a man with an insecure job and mood swings of dark to light and back to dark again.

Set in gritty Chicago, rather than the bucolic hills of Dorset, England, my grandmother's diary tells a fragment of the hardscrabble story second generation Lithuanian-Americans lived during the cold heart of the Great Depression, yet omits the satisfying and triumphant climax of Mr. Rose-in-Bloom's epic undertaking.

In the winter of 1934, my grandfather Tony had left a milk delivery job to sell cookies door to door for an outfit with the deceptively sweet name of Mama's Cooky Company. Times were tough and sales were so slow, Tony had to add his own savings to keep up the appearance of meeting his sales quota.

Grandma tended my infant mother, Bernadette, cooked herring and eggs for Lenten dinners, cleaned the house, sewed and ironed, and worried about money. Her goal was to save $4.00 a month.

On a Thursday in April, Amelia writes of taking the baby to the grocer to pay $2.00 toward their bill, then to the coal company to do the same and order more heating fuel. Tony came home that night to tell her his bosses had been fired and that he would be laid off in a week.

After four months trying to sell cookies to households as strapped as his own, Grandpa Tony, along with twenty other salesmen, was fired the Saturday after Easter, 1934. "What are we going to do now?" writes Grandma. "Heaven only knows." My mother was five months old.

The next day, Amelia took the time to write the diary's last entry.

"What a beautiful day. Tone went out to look for a store. It seems Al Segreti is fired for being caught drunk, but he was still working on his milk wagon." So Grandma didn't write her happy ending, but she did fashion one with grace notes of hope. Perhaps her young husband would start his own business. Maybe he could snatch up Al Segreti's job. Even with the despair of Tony's firing, it was still a beautiful day.

I am left in suspense, but only because I want to read every day of the Seraponas's climb to self-sufficiency and safety, not because I do not know it happened.

The happy coda for the story of my grandparents lies in my treasure of memories of visits to their home when I was a child. Grandpa Tony went back to work as a milkman and he and Amelia had a second daughter, my aunt Joan. They saved enough money to move out of the city to Clarendon Hills, a western suburb with curving streets and enormous elms whose roots split the sidewalks into angled slabs. Aunt Joan remembers feeling as if they had moved to the country. Grandma worked at a nearby Montessori school.


To me, their home was as magical as the idyllic picture Solomons paints of the Rose-in-Blum's thatched roof home in the Dorset countryside. Grandma and Grandpa's front door with its dark wood panels and rounded window seemed the entrance to a fairyland cottage. My sister and I swung from the tire swing in the side yard and explored the musty basement where a homemade doll house hid under a white sheet. Grandma had made the back yard into a verdant paradise of raspberry and gooseberry bushes, mature fruit trees, and lush peonies. One day she showed me how to cut a giant stalk of rhubarb from the garden border, then set up a work space in the sun porch where I could cut the purple stem into bite-sized pieces with a paring knife. I washed the rhubarb pieces one by one in a small bowl of water, then dipped them in a bowl of sugar, and bit into their sour-sweet wet crunch. A taste of goodness, as full of love as the simple lunch Grandma made for me from a boiled egg with butter, salt and pepper next to a sweet glass of tickling Fresca.

Remembering the love infused into these simple foods takes me back to the other story line of Solomons's book, that of Jack's wife, Sadie, who initially does not share his enthusiasm for all things English. She sees his eagerness to assimilate as a betrayal of those loved ones left behind. To remember her father, mother and brother, lost in the Holocaust, she bakes recipes from her mother's old cookbook. In a bit of magic realism, the cakes turn out four feet high and those who taste them feel Sadie's sadness. This sharing of Sadie's grief gives her comfort.

The publisher of Mr. Rosenblum Dreams in English sent me a copy of the book with no obligation.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Time Enough


I showed my six year old how to sew on a button one morning last month. We sat next to each other on the floor of my bedroom and shared the thrill of finding the tiny holes in the button after a blind push of the needle from behind. Nora happily pulled the needle through the fabric the first time, but after a few stitches, she tired of the game and let me reattach the other three popped buttons while she played with the contents of my sewing box.

“Look, Mom!” she said, proud of the row of pins with brightly colored heads that she had stuck upright in the carpet.

“Oh, cute!” I replied and went back to my knot.

The dress we repaired is a girl's blue and green sundress with an empire waist. Blue, green and burgundy ribbons fall from the back. Nora found it on the dusty back corner of my overcrowded dresser and brought it to me that morning, claiming it was her favorite. Perhaps the dress actually was her favorite a long time ago and perhaps it was again in that moment, but many, MANY other outfits have taken its place since I placed it on top of my sewing kit with a silent promise to make it wearable again.

I checked the label after Nora helped me cut the string from the last knot. Inside the collar, the tag read 3-4 years. So she outgrew it two years ago. So I’m a little late in my mending.

Maybe I am repairing the dress for some other little girl. Maybe Nora will squeeze into this sundress one last time this month, top it off with a sweater and warm tights and then never wear it again. The peaceful moment on the rug was worth the time and patience it took, even though other more important tasks lurked in the back of my mind.

"Pick me up!" "Finish me!" whisper the other unfinished projects around the house. I am not talking here about laundry. The dirty laundry has nothing to say to me and I've stopped speaking to the dishes. I mean the Big Projects, (specifically that one that starts with "B" and ends with "ook,") that challenge and push me, that offer satisfying rewards. Projects that require solitude, thought and time.

I probably had the patience to sit and complete this overdue job of mending the sundress that morning because I went to bed earlier than usual the night before. And the day before I had said “no” to a prior writing commitment that was taking a lot of my time and mental energy. Who knows if it was actual minutes I gained or just the mental dusting that cleared some space to finally break open the sewing box?

I usually don’t have the patience for such an avoidable and unimportant task as replacing buttons, although it has its rewards too. The good feeling of a job completed, the pleasure of teaching my daughter something new, a few quiet and happy moments together. Or when I do find the patience, time itself feels too short. I need to pick up the girls in five minutes, the school bus is honking its horn outside, or I'm trying to catch the 5:05 train into the city.

I'm not a huge fan of the writer Annie Lamott, more like a small fan, but she does has a good name for people who think that their magically unencumbered future, when the kids can take care of themselves, when they move to the country, when they move to the city, when the playroom gets converted into an office again, will be a future of creative expression and satisfying personal work. Her name for people who think like this is delusional.

I've had some delusions of my own like that.

Nora, my youngest, starts first grade next fall, leaving home from 9:00 to 3:30 every week day. I say to myself, I’ll have hours of time! These words are a variation on a theme I’ve been saying for years – when Mia started preschool, when the second one started preschool, when I first hired a regular babysitter. I'll have hours of time!

Yes, there were hours of time, like there always are. And those hours of time got filled up. Some good, essential, challenging personal work accomplished. But also lots of laundry folded, magazines and recipes read, eyebrows examined in the bathroom mirror. Card games with the little one. Sitting on a chair watching violin and piano lessons.

There's some mysterious formula I don't know yet that balances time and patience and the present moment and the needs of our household with all the creative ideas that are bumping in my brain, longing to jump out from my head.

If we had world and time enough, my little miss, we could sit around and sew buttons forever. But I don't. I have horses chomping at the bit - reviews and responses I need, not "want," but need to make to Emily White's Loneliness and Ruth Konisberg's The Truth About Grief, to Grandmother's diary and Patti Smith's Just Kids and Tracy Kidder's talk at Northwestern about Mountains Beyond Mountains.

I am an adult - I can handle two contrary notions in my mind at the same time. I can be both patient enough to enjoy the time with my girls as it disappears and also impatient enough to shut the door on them occasionally. So I will sing a song of thanks for just that simple moment on the rug with Eleanor. I know they are numbered. Moments when she still loves to sit next to her mother, is content to let me push her hair behind her ears so I can get a better look at the fat curve of her cheek.

And I will also push on with the work that is for me.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Tall Painting

Paintings by Holton Rower. Watching in full screen is recommended. Drippy trippy.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

End of February

I have a new vision to help me through the winter days when the cloud cover is heavy and low and the extra minutes of light at the end of the day are not enough. As I go about my day, I imagine every drawer I pull open, every door, every book I crack, all reveal a surprise of brilliant light, kind and warm. I bathe in the brightness, my pupils go sore from the sudden contraction and I have to smile.

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Coupla Comediennes

After the Japanese BBQ shrimp and s'mores tonight, Mia announces, "I've seen two people with big black earrings and giant holes in their ears!"

"Uck," I say. "Was one of them that guy who works at the ice cream store?"

"Yeah," says my eight year old Janeane Garofalo. "He was talking to me, but all I could hear was EAR EAR EAR EAR! He was saying, 'do you want strawberry?' but it sounded like 'do you want straw-EAR-berry?' I was looking at his face but all I could see was a great big EAR!"

***

Randy and I are talking Bill O'Reilly on the drive home and Nora asks, "Who's that?"

"The rudest man in the world," I tell her. "He asks the President a question, Mr. Obama starts to answer and Bill O'Reilly interrupts him to contradict. He wasn't even listening. He asks another question and Mr. Obama smiles and tries to answer and he interrupts him again! Incredibly rude."

Nora asks, "Did he burp?"

***

A couple of minutes later, she is dancing in her booster seat with a panicked grimace on her face. Our kindergartener has got Carole Lombard's white curls as well as her frenzy.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom, Nora?" asks Daddy.

"Yes!"

"Okay, hold on, we'll find a place and pull over."

A few blocks later, we're turning into the gas station and Nora says, "Don't fall asleep! Don't fall asleep! Don't fall asleep!"

Randy and I are exchanging looks, then she adds, "You might have a pee pee dream!"

Oh. Got it.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Buh-Lizzard!

I stood behind the glass door this afternoon and watched little Nora as she waited for the kindergarten bus. Wrapped in snowsuit, boots, gloves and hat, she worked in the fresh snow, throwing handfuls into the air and catching them on her hatted head like confetti. She looked down the street for the late bus, then looked back to me to wave and catch one of mine, then got down to the business of play again. Big armful-sized blocks of snow were carried to her snowbank work table, icicles retrieved from the cherry tree and stuck in the top, (hair? a crown?) a stick from the maple stuck to Snow Buddha's side. Or perhaps he was a frozen King Triton, after the mermaid movie that we watched again this morning.

This morning the village's miniature snowplow cleared the sidewalk where Nora stands and I'm kind of sad, even with the glorious sky and sun that have followed Tuesday and Wednesday's SnowMyGod Snowmaggedon of 2011. Yesterday I had carved out a wandering path from our front walk to the corner where the bus drops off the kids. Now the way is straight and broad. My homemade version may have been no more wide than the narrow width of a snow shovel, but its leisurely curves and clumsy chunks showed the craftwoman's effort. Like a sculptor's tool marks in the clay.

The last simile brought to you by Steve Martin's newest novel, An Object of Beauty, a lovely and lively tale of art dealers and collectors I'm reading set in the galleries and tony restaurants of Manhattan. Martin, whose memoir Born Standing Up I loved, describes the pre-millennium, pre-financial-crash art scene with the ease of an actual collector:

"Whether (the art of the '90's) was any good or not, the sheer amount of it -- to the dismay of cranky critics -- was redefining what art could be. Since the 1970's, art schools had shied away from teaching skills and concentrated on teaching thought. Yet this was the first time in conventional art history where no single movement dominated, no manifesto declared its superiority, and diversity bounced around like spilled marbles on concrete."

Martin's prose is chewy and delicious, well, until I hit the novel's 9/11 episode this morning. Stopped me dead in my tracks, and brought me back to the awful experience of reading the first half of Chris Cleave's Little Bee last summer. (At that novel's midpoint, Cleave puts three of his characters in a horrific scene so vicious and disturbing, every following action can't bear the weight of what horrors came before. I gave up when two lovers were arguing about his wife - how could we be expected to care about their petty squabbles after that unerasable image of the murder on the beach?)

An Object of Beauty hasn't lost me yet, just made me pause. I'll see if the ever-deft Martin can work his magic on the American tragedy that eclipses all others - perhaps he'll whip a cape over the disaster and distract me with some flash in the other hand. Or fit compassion into the cool hearts of his art lovers.

Deborah Eisenberg is a writer capable of handling the difficult retelling of New York's enormous blows in her story "Twilight of the Superheroes" from her recent Collected Stories of Deborah Eisenberg. I've been reading this huge collection for months, after this high recommendation from my friend Christina, "She writes the way I think." I knew what Christina meant by the first page: "...for a moment that seemed endless I had been pulled down into a forgotten period of my life when I, too, had strained to adhere to the slippery requirements of distant authorities." Honestly, I just want to hold up lines to show you - look at this! And this! And this from "Twilight:"

"Oh that day! One kept waiting -- as if a morning would arrive from before that day to take them all along a different track. One kept waiting for that shattering day to unhappen, so that the real -- the intended -- future, the one that had been implied by the past, could unfold. Hour after hour, month after month, waiting for that day to not have happened. But it had happened. And now it was always going to have happened." Which is about as perfect a description of our collective post-9/11 disbelief, and more specific grieving, as I've encountered in a while.

I've read Eisenberg's story "Days" three times now, after the first reading kept killing me softly with its song. An unnamed woman of undetermined age and means of support stops smoking which begins a downward slide told in precise declarative sentences that made me laugh with their blackness. "I feel as if years of rage have condensed around the sides of my brain and are dripping down into it, forming pools in which all its other contents are becoming sodden and useless."

"The ruin that is (her) life" is slowly saved by an introduction to the YMCA and its cold pool and running track, its "little tropical hut" of a sauna. The woman seems to relearn how to think, like a stroke victim relearning to speak, and her small improvements are about as close as Eisenberg gets in this beautiful and ambiguous collection to a positive resolution.

I know this character's fury and confusion and hopeful persistence. Sometimes to me too, "it seems that there is a growing number of women, and that I am not among them." If you can laugh with me at that great line, you too could love this story and this book.